Severus Snape, Hogwarts Dropout
by inkmonkey
Summary: After the Shrieking Shack Incident, Severus has had enough. Not quite a crackfic, but not far off.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

A/N: This story is not meant to be taken seriously. Really, it isn't, the first section not withstanding. I might update this, and I might neglect it for months; it all depends on my muse, who is the only entity on earth with a worse case of ADD than I.

It was two days after what Severus had begun to privately refer to as the 'Werewolf Incident', and he was finally calm enough to think rationally. It was blindingly obvious now to him that he had no place at Hogwarts, and that staying would inevitably result in misery. The other students all hated him; he was a Slytherin, which alienated him from the other three Houses, and a half-blood, which kept him from ever being accepted by his Housemates. Even the Headmaster was against him, as evidenced by the events of the past week. There was nothing for it; he would simply have to leave. But first, he would have to make some arrangements.

The first thing he did was head for the library. There, he withdrew books on magical law, and an advanced Muggle studies text on legal documents. He verified his legal status, and his legal right to terminate his education. He checked the age at which he could access the Prince family trust. He spent hours casting and recasting forgery spells, until at last he had a set of Muggle documents that would pass even the most scrupulous inspection. And then, a week after he had begun, he wrote three letters; one to his father, announcing his intention of coming home; one to the Ministry, declaring his withdrawal from Hogwarts, and one to Gringotts, transferring the entire Prince trust to a Muggle bank. Now all that was left was to actually leave.

Sunday morning dawned clear and bright, shining down on Severus through the tiny, grated windows of the Slytherin dungeons, and glinting on the brass corners of his trunk. He yawned and stretched, then broke into an enormous grin when he realized what day it was. He decided to skip breakfast; he could eat at home. He stood, and deliberately put on a battered pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt. It was petty, he knew, but deliberately thumbing his nose at the dress code only made his escape that much sweeter.

He was nearly swaggering as he walked through the halls, trunk floating behind him, and drew more than one curious glance. Once he reached the courtyard he paused, and changed direction, heading for the four boys who sat sniggering off to one side. He pulled his wand from his pocket with a flourish, and even as the boys fumbled for their own, he held it out to them, handle first. "Congratulations; you've won. I'm leaving Hogwarts."

Remus Lupin gasped in horror. "Snape, please don't throw your life away over this!"

Severus shook his head, and smiled at him condescendingly. "I'd be throwing my life away if I stayed, Lupin. There's nothing for me here but hate."

"Snape- Severus-"

"No, Lupin. I am leaving, and I won't change my mind just to assuage your guilt. Either take the wand or don't; if you don't want it, I'm sure Black will." He thrust the wand forward once more.

Black recoiled. "You're not pinning that on me, Snape!"

Severus smirked. "What, you don't want it as a trophy? A souvenir to commemorate the occasion?"

Potter spoke up. "Don't be disgusting, Snape. Sirius doesn't want the blame for driving you from the Wizarding World."

Severus shrugged. "Whether or not he wants it doesn't matter; he has driven me from the Wizarding World. Do you honestly think that I'd be leaving if it wasn't for him? He'll just have to live with the guilt. You all will."

Pettigrew looked at him in bewilderment. "What guilt?"

Black scowled at him. "Don't be an idiot, Pete. You know damn well how bad it is for someone to give up magic because of something you've done."

"It's only happened twice in the last century, as a matter of fact." supplied Severus unhelpfully. "Wasn't one of them your cousin Andromeda?"

Black nodded stiffly. "Yes."

"Well, if I see her, I'll be sure to pass along your regards. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to leave." Severus thrust forward the wand once more, and Black batted it away. "Still don't want it? Ah well. I'll just have to send it to your parents. Maybe they'll reinstate you; it's not every day you drive a mudblood back to the Muggle world." He tucked it back in his pocket and walked away, ignoring the stunned looks he was receiving.

"Snape!"

He turned, smiling beatifically. "Yes, Evans?"

"Just what do you think you're wearing?" She stood with her hands on her hips, looking for all the world like a miniature McGonagall.

He kept smiling at her. "Jeans," he said, feigning innocence.

"And what kind of clothing is against the rules?" she asked, tapping her foot impatiently.

Severus kept smiling, relishing the slight twitch that was developing near her right eye. "Jeans?"

"Exactly," Evans declared, with the air of one who has just won an argument.

"So?" he asked dismissively.

She twitched. "Twenty points from Slytherin. Now go and change!"

"No," he said calmly.

"And twenty more points!"

"Listen, Evans. There's no point taking points off Slytherin. The Fab Four over there have driven me out. I am leaving. I am departing for pastures new. I am abandoning this sinking ship. I am riding off into the sunset. I am an ex-Slytherin!" Severus nearly shrieked the last, and then took a deep breath. "Also, I think I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I called you a mudblood; it was extremely hypocritical of me." He turned, and made as if to leave.

Evans was near hysterics. "Hypocritical? HYPOCRITICAL?"

"That is indeed what I said. May I go now?"

"You- you-"

"You greasy git, perhaps?" Severus offered. "You conniving bastard? Both of them are fairly popular."

"You!"

"If you can't be coherent, then I'm not going to stay and listen to you sputter. Good day, Miss Evans. I sincerely hope that we never meet again."

With that, he strode off, maintaining a rapid pace in hopes that he would not be stopped again. He wasn't.


End file.
